Where does the time go?

I wrote this in the Summer of 2018 and found it when I was looking back at my blog - it is as pertinent now as it was then....the struggle continues:  

In my last post I ended by giving thanks for my many blessings, and in all truthfulness they have multiplied many times since then.  Since I last wrote, the dragon turned five, lost seven teeth, and graduated from Pre-K.  We sent Mugen back to the universe to join Winston and Teddy on the rainbow bridge.  There have been jiu-jitsu and ukelele lessons, ballet and soccer classes, birthday parties and hundreds of hours in the swimming pool.  Auntie Kimmy lived with us for over a year.  We have had visitors from Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Maryland, California, Ecuador.  Could it have been that short and that long?  Sigh...

I started this blog desperately seeking an answer to the incessant forward motion of the universe.  Today, there is no answer.  But there is a stolen kiss, a belly laugh, a wink and a grin, the scent of the ocean, the water enveloping your skin softly, the grittiness of the sand between your toes, the sun sinking into the sea and spraying bands of color across the clouds.  There is a tense word, a silent tear, a deep breath, a tiny crack in the armor, a fierce hug.  Every day there is a moment of thanksgiving, a moment of sadness, an instant of euphoria and a short but profound spiral into a cocoon of despair.  From these moments we emerge, brand new, wings spreading, ready to fly, to plant our seeds, to continue the cycle once again.  Up, down, over and over the cycle continues.  This too shall pass. 

I am torn, split between clutching the moment greedily and letting it fly free to the universe.  I know the struggle is futile, the universe moves only in one direction.  The corners of my mouth lift - free will?  Not really.  The destination is pre-determined.  A weight I did not realize I was carrying lifts off of my shoulders and I feel suddenly lighter.  I am free to immerse myself in the journey.  Thank you, universe, for the journey.