The dragon is growing up

Rafa will turn four in October.  Last measurements at the ENT office in March were 46 inches and 45 pounds.  Size 12 (wide) shoes. He wants to be Captain America when he grows up.  He can now say "Garbage truck" and "Dump truck" properly (sniffle), but he still says "sca-betti" (spaghetti) and "belt-seat" (seat belt).  He understands English and Spanish perfectly, but he speaks mostly English, with some Spanglish mixed in.  (Papi, esto se aña?)  He still loves to snuggle.  His favorite color is green, most days.  He potty trained in the daytime between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and about two weeks ago stopped wearing a nighttime diaper.  He is even starting to outgrow his afternoon nap...

Betty is staying with us for five weeks and this morning, in lieu of breakfast, he snuck into the pantry with her, showed her the cookies and put his finger to his lips.  As she opened the package, the wrapper crinkled noisily and he covered his ears with his hands, admonishing her to keep quiet.  She held up one finger, and he held up two fingers.  She could not resist.  He got two cookies for breakfast.  Snuck out of the pantry and ran to the couch to eat his breakfast "secretly".  Stinker.  He has the whole world wrapped around his little finger.

At night, after we read and before we fall asleep, we ask the universe to watch over the people we love, including his grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends near and far away.  And his big brother Jack (imaginary, I suppose; he likes to blame Jack for "accidents" that happen around the house).  We say "good night universe" and we settle in to sleep.

Last night I heard him coming up the stairs with his Dad while I was stretching, and he was saying "I'm going to ask Mommy, 'Mommy, you want to sleep with me?' and she will say to me 'yes, I'll come.'"  Diego and I just looked at each other.  He knows he is loved.  He is powerful.

This morning, after Diego left to play basketball, he crawled into our bed with me and slept for two more hours with his blanket, pillow and monkey.  I woke up before he did and watched his beautiful sleeping face, so peaceful and oblivious.  His little mouth twitched like he was talking in his dreams.  I was so thankful for the stillness and beauty of that moment.  

The last year has been one of new beginnings.  A new home, new job, new city, new friends, new furniture, new patients, new relationships, new problems!  New restaurants, new pediatrician, new dentist, new masseuse, new yoga studio.  I thank the universe I have such a solid foundation in my husband and family.  We are settling into Tampa, finding our place here.  I am in love with it; the sun, the warmth, the moisture and salt smell of the sea water make me feel calm and protected.

Every now and then we contemplate adding a new person to the family...but my mind shrinks from the intense difficulty that brought us.  I know the situation is different now, and believe me, I would not change the past four years for anything, but I am finally starting to enjoy my life again.  And my mind rebels against the thought of starting all over again.  My heart says maybe it would be easier this time.  My mind shrieks, "Are you crazy???  Do you remember how you were tied to that pump for 15 months???"

Our rooster Mugen is slowing down.  We celebrate every single day with him; we do not know when he will need to leave us.  My gut yearns for another greyhound, another baby; my mind takes a deep breath and says "Enjoy what you have.  Love them deeply and ferociously while you can.  Live your life now."  I will heed these words.  I will look around myself and be satisfied.  I will take a deep breath, close my eyes and thank the universe for its generosity in rewarding me with this; healthy family, spacious, clean home, full refrigerator, fulfilling career, sun and warmth and water all around me.  I will be satisfied just for today.